RE: Giving back to myself

Well, hello there, dear reader (I'm probably being optimistic by thinking there's even one at this point).

I'm having an introspective moment. I've been MIA here, which I think is representative of what I've been working on since June or so. I've recently started reading a blog called Get Rich Slowly, and one of the keys to financial growth discussed there is "paying yourself first". Paying yourself first means considering saving to be as much of a priority (or more, if you have to) than your other monthly bills. Don't save whatever is left at the end of the month, but pay yourself first, and don't consider it optional. Make yourself as important as your other obligations, in other words.

This struck a chord with me. Although financially it makes a lot of sense, I thought I needed to pay myself first in time. And it's not easy, because many of you know I'm a very social person and I love spending time with my friends. But it always catches up with me later because I'm much better at saying "I'd love to" than saying "sorry, I can't make it." Hopefully, if you are a friend of mine and you're reading this you understand that this isn't a function of me wanting to see any of you less, but rather of wanting to be good to myself more, and unfortunately, time is finite.

I've been trying really hard recently to make time for myself, or at the very least, for the things I really want to spend my time on. Seeing friends when I am really up to it, and making time for myself and other pursuits more often than I usually do. Including sometimes when all I really want to do is sleep in, read a book, or stare into space.

This actually did start as a result of a financial need. After crunching some numbers and realizing that our monthly budget was very strained because of some recent family events, I made it a goal to not go out to dinner/ drinks after work at all during the month of September. Usually, I do this a two to four nights a week, so this was a kind of social fast for me.

I did pretty well with my goal - I only went out twice after work in all of September, and I have to say I was really happy with it. I didn't put much money into savings, as I had hoped, but I was able to save enough to get my husband a nice gift for his birthday and I also managed to stretch my personal spending allowance* between paychecks without any gaps where I literally had no personal funds left. This is rare for me.

One way I reached this goal was to think of creative ways to spend my time and connect with friends instead of making the usual plans. I bought a $40 3-session pilates package, (equal to or less than the cost of a typical night out for me). I held onto it and treated myself to a session when I found myself getting out of work on the early side with no responsibilities at home waiting for me. A few times, I met my friend who could get me into her YMCA with a guest pass and went swimming with her. From time to time, I took advantage of free community events. I trained for and ran the Tunnel to Towers 5K (without walking any of it!) at the end of September. A friend ran it with me, so I got to do something memorable with her, and I was able to set and meet a fitness goal, which was a big accomplishment for me.

So in the end, I got back more than money I needed to pay bills. It afforded me rare time home with my husband, and even rarer "me" time. I got more stuff done around home, got more rest, got more exercise, and got more quiet. I got to spend more time by myself than I remember in a long time. I truly enjoyed - no, needed - to do this for myself. It wass good for me to analyze the world from inside my own mind for a change, rather than always overhearing my life in conversations I have with other people.

I have a long way to go. I still find myself feeling stretched thin from time to time. But not on a daily basis, like I used to. Sometimes, I do feel that it's been a long time since I've seen some friends, and I regret that. I also have been putting in more hours at work lately, and I do have some health goals I haven't made much progress on, which I'd like to revisit. It's a tough balance for me to strike. I need to make more time to prepare meals and reduce my intake of unhealthy food. I haven't spent as much time at the gym as I'd like, and truly, my work schedule has been a huge obstacle to that, but I am hopeful it won't be now that a large project has been completed.

On the other hand, I should recognize some of the good things I've done for myself. It's October 23rd, and I realize I have continued to reserve more time for myself this month and to find less costly and more active ways to spend time with friends without even thinking about it. I have gone to the gym a couple of times (which is still infinitely more times than I exercised before August).

I have also made some time to do some volunteer work. I led a team that raised about $1,200 for breast cancer research and participated in the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer walk in Prospect Park last weekend. I also recently joined the Friends of the Greenpoint Library group and I'm helping with a fundraising event for the library tomorrow. It's funny how soon after I started taking care of myself, I felt I now had enough time to do things for others. I don't just "have" more time - I made more time.

And the effect of all of this re-directed energy has been very uplifting. I usually feel very worn down by the pace of the city, the crowds, the garbage, the cost and quality of life, and the MTA. But I felt something while walking my dog tonight that I haven't remembered feeling in a while. "Life is good," I thought to myself. "I love this neighborhood. I love Autumn. I love the crisp air, the misty rain, and a quiet evening. I feel independent. I'm really looking forward to tomorrow." Simple things, but things I usually don't take time to appreciate. Unexpected dividends.

*My husband and I have a system where we each get a set amount of "our own" money from each paycheck deposited into personal checking accounts to spend on whatever - lunches out, bar nights, toys, whatever we want. That amount is the same every paycheck, regardless of any extra income either of us may get from overtime pay or miscellaneous windfalls. The rest of our money goes to joint accounts to pay bills, pay off debt, and build savings.